John Holmes

The following eight highlighted feature film reviews from A Life Measured in Inches are chosen from John Holmes’ extensive filmography.  The book includes reviews of recognizable and obscure titles.  All movies (and loops) included in the biography were viewed and reviewed by the authors.  Click on images to enlarge.

John Holmes: A Life Measured in Inches

© 2008 Jennifer Sugar and Jill C. Nelson. All Rights Reserved.

John Holmes: A Life Measured in Inches
by Jennifer Sugar & Jill C. Nelson

Johnny Wadd *1/2 1970

Tagline: “From California to the Rio Grande, he shot his load all over the land.” First film of the Johnny Wadd series.

Johnny Wadd is the most significant film of the series, simply because it was the first and it ignited Holmes’ fame. The series has a humble beginning — most of the movie was filmed in the Venice Beach apartment of the cameraman, Alex Elliot. The interior sex scenes feature two large paper flowers as the main backdrop, with few other props. The budget for the one-day shoot was only $750, which was astonishingly less than any other Chinn/Holmes cinematic venture. As the star of the film, John was paid $75 and everyone else got $50. Chinn edited the film in two days and said it was in theaters by the end of the week.

At the start of the film, the private detective sits down for a smoke when the phone rings. A brunette named Wendy Bellamy (Andy Bellamy) would like to enlist Wadd’s help in finding her friend, Jeannie Hamilton, who is missing. Very mysteriously, the girl’s wealthy family has been uninterested in finding her.

Wadd tells Wendy that he’s expensive, but she is ready and willing to pay a $1000 retainer fee and gladly succumbs to a sexual rendezvous on the couch while Ennio Morricone’s spaghetti western music accompanies the scene. The camera has a field day highlighting John’s unique size as Wendy asks, “Are all detectives this big?”

John replies, “I hope not. The competitition is tough enough already.”

A little while later, the sister of the missing girl (played by one of John’s real-life girlfriends, Sandy Dempsey) comes over and offers John double what Ms. Bellamy paid him in a bribe to the detective not to find her missing sister. She enters wearing a floppy black hat and blue, bug-eye sunglasses. Twice, she calls him “Mr. Wade,” before he corrects her, “The name is Wadd,” and follows up, “I’ll take the $2000, but that wasn’t all she gave me. She gave me some incentive, too.” Without hesitation, she is happy to offer some incentive.

Only a few days later, Wadd determines that Jeannie Hamilton’s disappearance is somehow related to her mother’s actions.

The creepy old Mrs. Hamilton comes over to Johnny’s pad. Unlike his previous two sexual encounters, John can’t get an erection for Mrs. Hamilton, so she demonstrates how she can get off using the longneck of an empty glass bottle!

In the end, Johnny Wadd saves the girl and discovers the shocking reason why she was kidnapped.

For the first time ever, the original Johnny Wadd will be released on DVD in 2008, complete with a director’s commentary. Although this film lacks finesse in its dialogue, acting and editing, its historical importance as the film that made Holmes famous makes it a timeless piece of the John Holmes film library. 60 min/color. DVD. Andy Bellamy, Phylis Wolfe, Sandy Dempsey, John Holmes, Ramone Narone. Director: Bob Chinn. Writer: Bob Chinn. Producer: Chinn-Adrian Productions.

(Since this film review was written for the book, Johnny Wadd has been released on DVD by VCX in September of 2008.)

Benny’s Bungles ** 1/2 1971 or 1972

Benny (John Holmes) hosts a soiree in his home along with his live-in girl-friend, Sondra. Apart from entertaining his guests with some of the contraptions he acquired from various torture chambers, Benny engages the gang in a game of strip dice. (If you roll a seven, or an eleven, you must remove an article of clothing.) Benny and Sondra set their sexual sights on two of their guests, Tony and Jane.

When Tony insults Jane after she loses a roll of the dice, Benny comes to her rescue, whisking her away from the group to have sex together in the nearby bedroom. Holmes and his dainty, auburn-haired costar gently fuse their bodies together. Jane inhales Benny’s sword as Benny seductively laps her earlobe, prior to climaxing upon her buttocks.

During their post-coital cuddling, Sondra and Tony burst in on Benny and Jane and an exchange of expletives colors the air. Benny escorts Jane home and when he returns, he discovers Sondra and Tony making out in his swimming pool. Jealous and temporarily maniacal, Benny retrieves one of his bungles; a homemade electrocution device guaranteed to teach them a lesson.

John’s darkly comical character, Benny, makes this film intriguing because of Holmes’ off-screen personality and his propensity to spin wild tales are on display as Benny has the group transfixed while reveling in a concocted explanation about how he had obtained the items in his homemade collection. John is captivating in his incarnation of this oddball character in retro attire: white pants, white socks and black sandals (commonly worn during the early – ’70s). The soundtrack alternates between Spanish guitar and lively jazz arrangements featuring a bass clarinet.

Approximately 45 min/color. DVD.

Black Velvet: The Big Deal *** 1973 or ‘74 

Also known as Black Velvet: Falcon Pac 21

Black Velvet – The Big Deal showcases Holmes in a silent 13-minute masturbation scene that begins as he straddles a shiny, black motorcycle.  His curly hair is longer, but brushed off of his forehead, revealing his brilliant blue eyes and attractive, clean-shaven face.  This was shot during his pre-drug years when Holmes was in great shape.

With love, Holmes wipes the chrome of the bike with a white cloth, moving forward and then backward to ensure that the entire body of the machine is clean.  As he moves about, he rubs his crotch through his dark jeans and removes his denim jacket and long-sleeved shirt before unzipping his pants to reveal his swollen member.

Carefully at first, he thrusts toward the front of the bike, before caressing himself with both hands.  John’s hands move fluidly up and down the shaft of his expanding penis – pausing every so often to squeeze the bike’s handlebar.  John uses two hands, one on his cock and one on his testicles, with his back on the seat of the motorcycle and his eyes closed.  With increased velocity, John eventually erupts all over the glistening black surface of the engine.

50 min/color.  DVD.  Bill Eld, Doug, John Coletti, John Holmes (masturbation only).

China Cat **** 1977

Tagline: “In the year of the cat, the devils bare more than their claws!” (1977 was actually the year of the snake; there is no year of the cat in the Chinese calendar.) Eighth installment of the Johnny Wadd film series.

China Cat continues where The Jade Pussycat leaves off, as the four ladies comprising “Charlie’s Devils” await instructions via conference call. With a voice similar to John Forsythe (the actor who essayed the role of Charlie in the television series), the girls’ employer insists that they do their utmost to recover the jade cat from Mr. Wadd. (Watch for a brief cameo appearance by Desiree Cousteau near the beginning.)

Johnny Wadd, in one of his favourite San Francisco bars, chats up another patron and invites Shari (Jennifer Richards) to dine with him. Check out the wallpaper, the bar stools, and the positioning of the waiter with Holmes and Richards, and you’ll see how P.T. Anderson borrowed this entire segment for Boogie Nights, right down to the toothpick in Johnny Wadd’s mouth.

Soon, the two are back in Johnny’s apartment. As he painstakingly mixes martinis for himself and Shari, she patiently waits in his boudoir and admires his collections of rare Ming vases. When Johnny finally unzips his pants to produce his elephant’s trunk, Shari remarks with alarm, “John — You’re so big!”
Smiling broadly, John responds,”Well, you said you were hungry.”
Shari exclaims, “Yes, but I didn’t expect another feast!”

Although Chinn had been nervous about how newcomer Jennifer Richards would react to working with Holmes, she appears relaxed and at ease as they engage in light banter throughout their sex scene, resulting in a genuine unforced flow. Not knowing that Shari is one of Charlie’s Devils trying to steal the valuable china cat from him, Johnny is faced with some tough-yet-feminine opponents in this film.

Unfortunately, the picture quality in this film (and several others of its era) appears somewhat dark, as subtleties in lighting were lost when the feature was blown up to 35 millimeter. In the case of China Cat, the original negative had worn out, so the video masters were made from a duplicate negative, which also contributes to the gritty, dark appearance of the film on video and DVD.

Putting aside that minor issue, this film has a coherent plot, and doesn’t condescend to its audience, which makes China Cat an enjoyable accomplishment. Late porn guru and adult film critic Jim Holliday cited China Cat as his premier pick of the Johnny Wadd dynasty.

69 min/color. DVD. Paula Wain (as Christian Sarver), Cris Cassidy, Desiree Cousteau, Eileen Welles, Jennifer Richards, Kyoto Sunn, Dale Meador (non-sex), Damon Christian (non-sex), Elliot Lewis (non-sex), John Holmes, John Seeman, Mario Lewis. Director: Bob Chinn. Writer: Bob Chinn. Producers: Freeway Films.

Eruption **** 1978

Tagline: “An erotic explosion.”

A porn spoof of the 1944 film noir classic, Double Indemnity, Eruption showcases John Holmes for the second time with one of porn’s premiere leading ladies, Lesllie Bovee. Shot on location in Hawaii, Eruption is one of Holmes’ most prominent starring roles and it is a big-budget stand-out.

Peter Winston (Holmes) is an insurance salesman who likes to relax on Hawaiian beaches to survey single women when he’s not swatting flies. Casually, he strides over to where Sandy Bevin (Lesllie Bovee) is sunning herself. Peter invades her personal space by playfully snatching the top of her suntan oil bottle, much to her chagrin. After he offers up a lame come-on line, she tells him to, “Get lost.”

Upon having second thoughts, she calls him back over to confide that she might be interested in an insurance policy, after all. Then they have sex on the beach. (Holmes appears to be keeping an eye out for the police because the scene was shot outside in broad daylight.)

Eruption has a smattering of everything — murder, sex, intrigue, some plot twists — and Holmes does all of his own stunt work. He shimmies down tall buildings with rope, jumps from high brick walls, scuba dives, and manages to be a convincing actor between his sex scenes with Bovee and Susan Hart (who plays Sandy’s step-daughter, Angie). Watch for Holmes’ funny interactions with non-sex performer, Wilt Torrance, who plays Peter’s co-worker, Jackson — Torrance is either really loaded or else a terrific method actor.

82 min/color. DVD. Carrie Welton, Fifi Aldercy (non-sex), Lesllie Bovee, Susan Hart, Tracy Valdis (non-sex), Bernard Addison (non-sex), Bert Willis (non-sex), Eric Evol, Gene Clayton (non-sex), Jack Aldis, John Holmes, Joseph Lopez (non-sex), Justin Mallory (non-sex), Shell Seward (non-sex), Wilt Torrance (non-sex), Wynne Colburn. Director: Stanley Kurlan. Producer: Stanley Kurlan. Writer: Justin Welton.

California Gigolo ***1/2 1979

Tagline: “Every woman’s dream, every man’s fantasy.”

The film begins with an upbeat, sing-along theme, “California Gigolo”, which is written and performed by Jay Phillips. California Gigolo, John Loftin (John Holmes) espies a beautiful young brunette (Kandi Barbour) as she steps out of a silver Mercedes. He follow her and offers up some “fine lovin’”.

Disgusted by his bold overtures, the woman turns him down and struts off across the street. Undaunted, John takes a gondola ride in Palm Springs where he espies Barbour again. By this time, she has obviously reconsidered his advances.

John lives in a nice home with a live-in assistant named Gomez (Don Fernando), whose main responsibility is to screen John’s calls from women looking for love. John gives them all what they pay for — from a quickie with a regular customer to an elaborate role-play session at a high-rise office building.

The film is a spoof of the (1978-’84) television show, “Fantasy Island,” with John as the boss and Gomez an adaptation of the show’s character, Tattoo. Holmes takes a stab at serious acting in California Gigolo; he maintains an unabashed face when dealing with an unattractive nymphomaniac (Veri Knotty) at the office building, who asks him to pretend to be the window cleaner and rape her. But even real-life gigolo John Holmes could not help his expression of shock in a scene in which Chinn recycled Mrs. Hamilton’s bottle scene from the original 1970 Johnny Wadd. In California Gigolo, John’s beautiful client (Vanessa Tibbs) masturbates with an empty champagne bottle in a scene that is not included on all versions. Tibbs was actually a swinger who had wished to be in an X-rated film and was not disappointed when Chinn put her opposite the ultimate real-life California Gigolo, John Holmes. During filming of her scene, Tibb’s husband watched from the sidelines.

Left with only 30 minutes to think of some way to salvage the movie, Bob Chinn commissioned Jay Phillips to write the opening song, which ends up being the saving grace of the film. The addition of the song to the clip of the girls roller skating at Venice Beach is a highlight, in addition to John’s counting down from ten to zero that accurately predicted his climax.

70 min/color DVD. Delania Ruffino (as Barbara Bills), Kandi Barbour, Kitty Shayne, Liza Dwyer, Vanessa Tibbs, Veri Knotty, Don Fernando, John Holmes. Director: Bob Chinn. Writer: Henry Plymouth. Producer: Eliot Louis.

Exhausted: John C. Holmes, The Real Story **** 1981

Tagline: “Over 14,000 women knew him intimately.”

As a former confidante and girlfriend of John Holmes, director Julia St. Vincent was involved in every facet of this documentary, right down to supplying her own vocals for its theme song. St. Vincent was only a teenager when she began working in the offices of Freeway Films, which was an L.A. based adult movie company that her uncle Armand Atamian, owned and operated. (Freeway produced the Johnny Wadd films made from 1975 until 1978.)

In 1980, when St. Vincent began her taped interviews with John, he was already on his downward spiral. Her idea was to showcase Holmes as the man behind the penis, but it became a challenging task because Holmes was alarmingly unreliable due to his quest for drugs. Despite his problems, Exhausted is dynamic and fascinating. In addition to street interviews with people in L.A. and Chicago, Bob Chinn and Seka were interviewed about John for the project. The interviews are melded together with classic film footage from the Johnny Wadd series.

St. Vincent manages to bring out the best in Holmes during some of the interview segments as he is depicted in a variety of moods ranging from mischievious, contemplative, provocative, and sincere. When asked whether he ever grows tired of his vocation, he wryly retorts, “I never get tired of what I do because I’m a sex fiend. I’m very lusty.” To his credit, he thoughtfully answers her unusual queries, for example when St. Vincent asks which side he packs his package, Holmes jokingly replies, “I show larger on the right so if I’m going to a party and I’m in a nasty mood, I wear it right.” He is also reticent about the downside of fame and explains that he is unable to live up to the expecations and sexual fantasies of the many women he encounters off-screen.

In addition to underscoring Holmes and his work, this documentary is also a platform for Seka, who speaks favorably about Holmes and his oversized appendage. She rattles off a few funny lines herself claiming a rather infamous one, “John Holmes has cum like God.” Seka was indeed one of Holmes’ favorite costars, but it’s obvious she was included to add a touch of porno chic and credibility to Exhausted, while ultimately gaining publicity.

Unfortunately, Exhausted is currently out of circulation but often available for purchase on Ebay. It was the inspiration for the 1997 award winning feature film, Boogie Nights that stars Mark Walhberg as Dirk Diggler, a character loosely fashioned after John Holmes. Boogie Nights recreated scenes from China Cat and adopted Holmes/Chinn interview segments from Exhausted. The 2000 DVD version of Exhausted contains raw never-before-seen interview footage of Holmes in December 1980, along with a director’s commentary, excerpts of “Julia’s Diary”, and bios of the stars.

72 min/color. Not available on DVD. Annette Haven, Bonnie Holliday, Candida Royalle, Cris Cassidy, Eileen Welles, Fatima Hamoud, Felicia Sand, Georgina Spelvin, Jennifer Richards, Jessie St. James, Julia St. Vincent (non-sex), Kitty Shayne, Kyoto Sunn, Laurie Smith, Laurien Dominique, Linda Wong, Monique Starr, Paula Wain, Phae Burd, Phaedra Grant, Seka, Bob Chinn (non-sex), John Holmes. Director: Julia St. Vincent. Writer: Morgan Lofting (adaptation). Producers: Julia St. Vincent, Lee Kasper.

Marina Vice ** 1985

The film opens with some cool shots of Marina Del Rey, as Pink Floydesque music plays in the background. The sex scenes are hot, with a good mix of old-school camera angles and new-age digitilization in the second sex scene. The worst part, if you love porno plots, is that it doesn’t start for nearly an hour into the film.

Two renegade detectives (Buck Adams and Billy Dee) are assigned to stake out a drug lord named Jimmy Costa (John Holmes). They barter with two women (Kimberly Carson and Melissa Melendez) for use of the women’s boat in exchange for letting them be honorary detectives.

During their pursuit, the two cops are sidetracked by an assortment of lusty women, while Costa receives a surprise visit by the sexy ladies. Acting as masseuses, they are able to get inside of Costa’s private bedroom. Holmes appears healthy, although older. The resulting three-way sex scene with Holmes, Melendez and Carson is imaginative, to say the least. Holding onto her white stilettos for leverage, John plunges in and out of Melendez, while French kissing Carson, who is seated on the face of Ms. Melendez.

Afterwards, Costa beckons his aid Rocky (Sean Amerson as Sean King) to handcuff the girls, when the cops burst in to apprehend Costa and seize the white powder in his possession.

At the film’s conclusion, John (in handcuffs) looks directly at the camera and musters up his best Arnold Schwarzenegger impression: “I’ll be back”. The outtakes on the compilation DVD, John Holmes: The Legend Continues, from the filming of Marina Vice are subtly humurous and informative. In one, John lies on his back in bed while Carson prepares to go down on him. John tells the director to let him know when the camera is going to pan from his lap to his face because he plans on taking a nap during the action.

72 min/color. DVD. Kimberly Carson, Leslie Winston, Melissa Melendez, Summer Rose, Tess Ferre, Billy Dee, Buck Adams, John Holmes, Sean Amerson (as Sean King, non-sex). Director: Patti Rhodes-Lincoln. Producer: Penguin Productions.